Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
