dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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