Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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