Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
