so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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