I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
