EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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