You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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