my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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