My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
