don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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