Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
