i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
