i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
