Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
