I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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