Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
