I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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