id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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