You can't special order awesome
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
