Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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