so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
