Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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