he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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