The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
