If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
