Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
