Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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