New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
