stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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