bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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