8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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