I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
