my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
