yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
