I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were trust falling into bushes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
