when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i will never coherently bang her
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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