when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
