we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
