Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
