thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
