FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
