This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
