Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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