His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
