I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
