Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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