okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
