She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
