I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
