I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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